Do you ever feeling like you are constantly falling behind? Like you’re going through life with an endless to-do list: work, kids’ stuff, play-dates, laundry, appointments, etc.? I sometimes I feel like my brain is an overloaded computer with a bunch of windows open. Using a calendar has been helpful, but it still feels like I’m trying (and failing) to meet my standard of what a mom should be.

Social media tells us to be constantly productive, physically fit, career-focused but also family-focused, organized, emotionally (and physically) available, while also still able to engage in frequent self-care and keep a sparkling clean home. And when we can’t check each of those things off our mental list, then we feel a sense of guilt. Guilty for working too much, guilty for not working enough, guilty for taking time to ourselves, guilty for not taking care of ourselves…It becomes overwhelming. And it feels like we are in survival mode.

And it doesn’t help when other people (who may be well-meaning, or maybe not) try to advise us on what we need to be doing. I’ve had a few experiences of relatives saying “all you have to do is xyz” or “there’s only blah blah blah, you should be able to…” or sharing how they were able to do everything back when they had small kids. And each time, it’s left me feeling guilty, uncertain, and ashamed. And honestly, there are enough of those feelings running around in my brain already without other people piling on.

What I’m realizing now, after being a parent for almost six years and now adding another little family member to our household, is that we are all just doing our best. My husband and I tackle as many tasks in a day as we are able to. And it is impossible to check every task list item or every single box without help. As one of my relatives responded when I asked how she managed to do it all: “I didn’t. I had help.” And that’s what we all need- help. And grace. And kindness- from others and from ourselves.

And honestly, not just for parents- all of us need a helping hand. I watched a video about women who help others who are struggling with de-cluttering and organizing their homes, and I thought it was such an interesting concept- helping overwhelmed strangers with reclaiming their homes. Or the people who help others maintain their lawns or do household chores. Helping others catch up on a few things out of their laundry list of tasks.

It’s easy to get lost in the rat race of life, but we can choose to stop running. And to stop trying to do everything perfectly. Because decades from now, we won’t remember the dusty baseboards or that we were five minutes late to an appointment; we’ll remember the connections we nurtured and the people who stood by us throughout the various stages of our lives.

You don’t have to do it all.