I was listening to a lecture by Canadian physician Gabor Mate this morning about trauma, disease, fear, and gut feelings. It reignited my interest in studying intuition and how we can differentiate our gut feelings from fear or anxiety. I’m sure we’ve all experienced moments of inner conflict when we’re unsure if we should follow our intuition. Common advice is “follow your gut,” but what does that feel like? How do we know we are making the right decision?

Intuition is often described as an “inner knowing” that helps guide our decisions. Intuitive guidance normally happens quickly, whereas logical thought processes can rely on an evaluation of facts. Intuition is a subconscious assessment based on past experiences, knowledge, and feelings and can appear as a hint or a subtle knowing what feels right.

Fear is different from intuition, starting from the feeling that fear causes within us. While intuition is a calm feeling, fear can feel like a sense of panic or a pressure to act. Fear is not a bad emotion- it can be very helpful when it comes to facing actual threats- but fear isn’t the best place to make decisions. Our fear-based reactions do not always help us discern what’s right for us.

Getting in touch with our intuition is a massively helpful tool in parenting and it’s something I’m working on honing as a mom. For example, a few years ago, my son wasn’t feeling well. Of course, I had fear and was worried for him and his health but I did feel a sense of intuition that something was wrong and that he needed additional care. I ended up taking him to the ER and since it was very busy, advocating for his care. It turns out he was suffering from Reactive Airway Disease and part of his airway was obstructed.

Dr. Anya Dunham, in a Nurtured Noggins podcast episode, described parental intuition this way: “[Parent intuition] is a very real, very kind of proven form of knowledge, because it has something to do with the way that our brains store and then retrieve information that we draw from perhaps past experiences, something we’ve learned, something we’ve read or experienced in our own past. And the reason we call it, we might call it a gut feeling or sixth sense is because it often comes immediately. It’s something that we just conjure up when there is an issue in front of us.” This can be a valuable tool when navigating any sort of parenting or care-giving situation.

So how do we tap into our intuition? Something that can help with understanding intuition is getting in touch with our bodies. This can be difficult, especially if we’ve experienced trauma which can cause a sense of disconnection from our bodies. Being still, centering ourselves, and meditating can help us understand how we’re truly feeling. You can ask yourself: how am I feeling? Is this a calm sense of knowing, or do I feel panicked? Is this a decision based on an avoidance of something? Do I feel external or internal pressure to act? Are past traumatic experiences leading my decision making? (This one can be difficult because past trauma can definitely inform our actions and it’s important to address the lessons of the past without letting it take over our lives.) Taking space to reflect can put us in a better position to make good decisions from a place of confidence, not from insecurity or doubt. Using intuition can give us space to make choices that align with our core values and true selves, rather than letting fear rule us.

As I noted, intuition and fear both have a place and it takes time and practice to discern when to use which. Using our intuition can make us better parents and caregivers, more intentional in our actions, and will help guide us to a place of personal growth. By creating a stronger mind-body connection, we can distinguish between intuition and fear and make decisions that can move us and our families forward.